Will you blow on my dice?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
