headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
