The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
