i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
