i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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