come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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