Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
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The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
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He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.