Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
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Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar