Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
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Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis