I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.