I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.