If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
