Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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