New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
