My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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