remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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