I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
