no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
