Sponge bath it is.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
