oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
