Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
