I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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