Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
