I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
