sorry about calling you the devil all night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
