first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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