The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When did angry sex become our thing?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
