Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
