I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
