Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
