Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
