grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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