I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
