We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
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We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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