Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
