After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
