so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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