some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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