I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
