So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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