yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
