Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
