I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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