I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
