A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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