I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
false alarm, still single
Randomize
