Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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