piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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