so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
