I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
