I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
