yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
