Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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