Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
