would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
