it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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