I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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