my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
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He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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