Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
