I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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