I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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