My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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