Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this beer tastes like vomit already
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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