Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
