It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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