dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
