So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
