his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
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Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
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OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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