We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
