Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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